耕读无限

What is a family of origin? What is the significance of its proposal?
What is a "family of origin"? A "family of origin" refers to the family in which a person is born and/or grows up, typically consisting of parents and/or siblings. In contrast to the concept of "family of origin," one can understand "self-built family": a family that an individual autonomously establishes after reaching adulthood or a state of living alone. A family of origin is something a person cannot choose, while a self-built family is formed by personal choice.
What is the significance of the concept of "family of origin"? The concept of "family of origin" originates from psychologist David Simon Freeman. The term primarily comes from two books published by Freeman in 1912: "Family therapy with couples: the family-of-origin approach" and "Multigenerational Family Therapy."
Freeman's introduction of the concept and idea of "family of origin" is significant for two reasons: First, it emphasizes that the family in which a person is born and grows up, especially the relationship between parents as a couple, is the core of changes in family relationships; and family relationships can have long-term and profound effects on a child's psychology, character, and behavior, even influencing their views on marriage and happiness. Second, it attempts to coordinate the couple's relationship in a self-built family based on the "family of origin" model held by individuals. It views the couple's relationship as multidimensional and dynamic, striving to draw on the positive ways of interaction from the "family of origin" model while avoiding its negative aspects.

The statement "some family of origin is unfortunate" is a meaningless proposition.
We often hear or see people say: some family of origin is unfortunate. However, in reality, considering that no one is perfect, the families we establish will inevitably have various issues. Because, in a sense, there is no such thing as a happy or perfect family of origin. Every family has its own misfortunes, differing only in degree or quantity, with no qualitative differences.
Therefore, if all families of origin are unfortunate, saying that a certain family of origin is unfortunate is akin to saying that a certain person will die (in fact, everyone will eventually die), which is meaningless.
The misfortunes of a family of origin often manifest in various ways: tense family relationships, lack of parental love, inappropriate educational methods, domestic violence, gender discrimination, and so on.

Family of origin influences us, but does not determine our lives.
Perhaps what Freeman wants to tell us more is that family of origin influences us, but does not determine our lives.
We can reflect on the strengths and weaknesses or interaction patterns, behavior patterns, educational methods, etc., in our own (or our partner's) family of origin, consider the pros and cons of these methods and their potential impacts, and then decide on the interaction patterns, behavior patterns, educational models, etc., for ourselves or our self-built family.
At the same time, even if our family of origin brings us very serious negative influences, we should learn to get along with ourselves. Recognizing our emotions and trying to analyze and judge which are unnecessary, harmful, or controllable, we will gradually become a rational and peaceful person. More importantly, even if we have been treated unfairly in our family of origin or lack loving care, it does not negate the existence of fairness or love in the world. Learning to care for ourselves and understanding the helplessness of our parents' interaction patterns is akin to the fact that the family we establish when we grow up will also be seen as a flawed family of origin by our own children.
In reality, individuals and families cannot be separated from society. Individuals, families, and society influence each other. Ultimately, people exist within a web of interconnected social relationships. If everyone disrespects others, including wives, husbands, children, parents, and others, then the partner we eventually encounter will also be someone who does not understand how to respect others, perhaps not knowing how to love, merely following the primal law of the jungle as an animal that uses language or tools. If each of us has a little more understanding, tolerance, and love in our hearts, then families, societies, and so on will have a little more warmth and love, and the negative impacts brought by family of origin will decrease, even though these negative impacts may not disappear entirely.

In conclusion: The misfortunes of a family of origin do not necessarily lead to the misfortunes of an individual's self-built family.
My own family of origin is not very happy. Through exploration, I slowly analyze the reasons, choosing to adopt the good and change the bad, striving to create a happy family.
Individuals, families, and society are interconnected and mutually influential. I believe that for those who are significantly affected negatively by their family of origin, the first step is to learn to accept oneself, to learn to love oneself, to regulate one's emotions and mindset, and to place oneself in the context of relationships with others, families, and society. Secondly, rather than complaining about or blaming the misfortunes of our own or our partner's family of origin, we should start by learning to respect others, be tolerant of others, and give a little more love to others; blaming or complaining about our own or our partner's family of origin will only shift or exacerbate the problem.